Part of connection therapy is to explore how we connect to each other. What is the energy of the interaction? How do we engage and what is the quality of that interaction?
I like to take a moment to create a certain state when I engage with another human being. After a while it almost becomes my natural way of being with someone.
Making soft eye contact begins the process. When looking at someone I remind myself that I am in the presence of an incredible being who represents 3.2 billion years of evolution and 2 million years of human evolution. Or if we believe in creation theory and the grand design, that beautiful person has been made by God in his or her own image.
In front of me is an amazing mind, extraordinary heart, incredible nervous system, astounding immune system, intricate organs, beautiful muscles, skin, features and physique.
The person I am looking at has his or her life history, potentially with challenges, struggles and experiences. I am seeing someone who has been baby, craved his or her parent’s attention, coped at school, developed relationships, created an identity, learnt how to succeed, felt many emotions, and loved.
Out of this I have a desire to explore, I feel genuinely fascinated by the miraculous life form in front of me. I am engaged, interested and incredulous. In this state my intention is to engage, listen and understand. I want to ask questions and connect. My need to add my opinions or try to impose my own suggestions recedes.
Do we even need to speak? Could the energy of the thoughts be enough? Can we connect by simply sitting next to each other? One day, might we interact more strongly by giving each other a hug or offering a little healing to each other?
You can experiment by taking yourself through a similar process and be aware of any change in you interactions. Could you challenge yourself to only ask questions and listen for while? What happens when we free ourselves of the need to project our self-image and identity?
Copyright Simon Brown, London, 2011